Hello All! Today, in the Baffling World of Intimacy I'd like to talk about Lee's Love Shack. It's actually called Lee's Love Style, not Shack, but the whole thing has such a 1970's feel about it, I'm rolling with it. In fact, it was in 1973 when Canadian psychologist John Alan Lee wrote his famous book "Colors of Love: An Exploration of the Ways of Loving" It's out of print now, but we still learn about Lee, and his Love Style's in Skool. His book originally looked like this:
Which either excites you and has you saying, Hell's Yes, Lee, I'm in, or sends you running. Stick with me, it's actually kind of cool, despite the cover. Lee had the idea that there were three primary Love Style's and three Secondary. Which could them be combined into, hold you hats, NINE tertiary love styles, or combo styles as I like to call them. You can pull up a chart of Lee's Love Style's and read about them, and what they mean HERE. It will open in a new window, so you can refer to it.
There's even a test you can do, to find out your Love Style. There's quite a few online, but here's the one I took in class, HERE. It's 50 True/False questions. At the end you tally up your number, it goes to page two the tally box, so don't miss it, and you find out where you fall on the Wheel of Love. If you want to take the test before you read my own results, go ahead and do so. It's cooler than you think, and you might learn more than you think. We've been facetious about Lee and his Love Wheel here, but Lee had some ideas going on.
Lee looked at the individual, and not the relationship. He looked at over 4000 people and gave them each a 30 item questionnaire about love. He found these six styles and one is not better than the other, they're just different. It makes a person think, these six styles. The styles also present themselves differently in men and women. Research looks at the fact the women tend to be higher in Storge (pronounced STORE-GAY) and Pragma, and men higher in Ludic. Women being higher in friendship and practicality, and men in game playing. I know, we're back at the olden days hunter gatherer here, but how does this play out in todays world, maybe looking at it from a women and gender studies perspective? Research has also been conducted on the social desirability of these love styles.
Both men AND women found Mania the least desirable. The differences were men found Eros and Ludus to be the most desirable, and those associated with Agape as negative. Women, on the other hand, found Agape to be very attractive and Ludus and Eros to be the least attractive. Which makes sense if you think about stereotypes of Ludus men being being strong, or "Players" while Ludus women are seen as "Sluts". Think about the idea that women who Agape are seen as being selfless and giving, while Agape men are seen as weak and submissive. How much do the traditional men's and women's roles play out in love styles? Like, men with a Ludus style tend to be happier in their work, while women, less so.
What does all of this mean to me? Well, here's my scores. Refer to your handy chart to read about each style.
Storge: 6
Eros: 5
Agape: 4
Pragma: 2
Ludus: 2
Mania: 0
If we look at the descriptions, it seems I am (and one wonders, if what I am looking for in a partner) is love that grows slowly out of friendship and is based more on similar interests and commitment, rather than passion AND "love at first sight" based on chemistry and a strong physical and/or emotional attraction. Of course.
Where do you fall in Lee's Love Shack, and what are your thoughts on the matter?
